Its been six months!

To anyone who happens upon my blog still, welcome back! Over a fifth of my service has already passed. I havn't felt compelled to write much about my experience publicy. Why? Frankly because so much of what I've experienced here is deeply personal and spiritual. It is difficult to explain such things, no less in a public forum.

In my first six months, I felt at times immense joy and gratitude, at other times I have missed my family, my friends, and the familiarity and convenience of life in the States. Little things like getting from point A to point B quickly and efficiently, having laundry machines in your flat, or even having a car to get around in can eat away at you. The joy I experience comes from the Shrines and the incredible friends and co-workers I get to be around every day. I TRULY feel humbled here.

Having said that, I can say that these last 2 weeks were great fun. Mom stopped in from the States and we took a trip to Turkey to visit Istanbul and Edirne. Mona M. and her parents came along as well and it was a wonderful trip that fulfilled a wish of my mothers for many years, to visit the home of Baha'u'llah in Edirne.

The home was uniquely special. I haven't felt the same since going there. In fact when I was there I lost all track of time and mom had to come tap me on the shoulder to leave. I've come back to Haifa refocused. The experience helped me clear out a lot of the extraneous stuff and put some things in perspective about my service and with life in general. Among them is making time for myself, being healthy, and making more time for personal deepening and reflection.

I'm currently going through the Revelation of Baha'u'llah and I came across one particular quote on the "Veil of Ego":

There are passages in the Mathnavi in which Bahá'u'lláh exhorts man to burn away every veil that comes between him and God. Then and only then can he behold the beauty and grandeur of his Lord. One of these veils is the ego. Bahá'u'lláh calls on the individual to kindle a fire within his soul and burn away every trace of self so that the concept and the very word 'I' may totally disappear from his being. Indeed this is one of the most profound teachings of Bahá'u'lláh. When a person tries to exalt himself, to celebrate his own name and aspires to become famous he is, in fact, going right against the plan of creation. Such an individual hinders the flow of the bounties of God to himself. Although outwardly he may be considered a great success, in reality he has failed to fulfil the purpose for which he was created. When a man attains to real greatness, he then recognizes his helplessness, unworthiness and impotence. And when he becomes truly learned he genuinely discovers that he is ignorant. It is then that he can manifest the attributes of God within himself and impart them to others.

We find among the meditations of Aziz'u'llah Misbah the following utterances which truly exemplify his own life of detachment and self-effacement:

To relinquish one's love for oneself and to destroy every
trace of self, is a proof that one has comprehended the
meaning of existence and the purpose of life.(19)
The difference between true knowledge and formal
learning is that the former creates lowliness and humility
within the soul; the latter drives insatiably towards the
search for glory and exaltation.(20)

Notable among those who had attained the station of true knowledge was Mirza Abu'l-Fadl, the great Bahá'í scholar and one of the Apostles of Bahá'u'lláh.[1] He is renowned for his vast knowledge, not only within the Bahá'í community but throughout the East. He was an acknowledged authority on many subjects including history and divine philosophy and was an outstanding master of Arabic and Persian literature. Once in academic circles in Egypt he was referred to as 'God of the pen, a pillar of history and the corner-stone of knowledge and virtue.'
[1 More information about him will be contained in vol. III of this series.]

Dr. Habib Mu'ayyad, who knew him personally, has written a great deal in his memoirs concerning the greatness of this man. Here is one passage:

Once people asked him [Mirza Abu'l-Fadl] how he had
acquired this vast erudition and how he had become the
recipient of this God-given knowledge. He became so
displeased with his questioners that he angrily remarked 'Who
is Abu'l-Fad'l!+[1] What is Abu'l-Fadl! I am only a drop from
the vast ocean of Bahá'u'lláh's school. If you also enter the
same school, you will become the master of Abu'l-Fadl.
If you don't believe me go to Gulpaygan,[2] see my relatives
and then you will understand.'(21)
[1 His name meant 'the father of learning'. (A.T.)]
[2 The birthplace of Mirza Abu'l-Fadl where his relatives lived. ( A.T.)]

The following story gives us a glimpse of his greatness. In the early years of this century, 'Abdu'l-Bahá sent Mirza Abu'l-Fadl to the United States of America to teach and help the believers deepen in the Faith. After his return, he and a number of American pilgrims were seated in the presence of 'Abdu'l-Bahá in 'Akká. The pilgrims began to praise Mirza Abu'l-Fadl for the help he had given them, saying that he had taught many souls, defended the Cause most ably against its adversaries, and had helped to build a strong and dedicated Bahá'í community in America. As they continued to pour lavish praise upon him, Mirza Abu'l-Fadl became increasingly depressed and dejected, until he burst into tears and wept loudly. The believers were surprised and could not understand this, even thinking that they had not praised him enough!

Then 'Abdu'l-Bahá explained that by praising him they had bitterly hurt him, for he considered himself as utter nothingness in the Cause and believed with absolute sincerity that he was not worthy of any mention or praise.[1]
[1 This account by Harlan F. Ober was given to the writer by the Hand of the Cause of God Mr. John Robarts.]

Mirza Abu'l-Fadl has truly set an example for Bahá'ís to follow, in that throughout his Bahá'í life he never used the word 'I' to ascribe merit to himself.

(Adib Taherzadeh, The Revelation of Baha'u'llah v 2, p. 43)

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Having thought about the example of Mirza Abul Fazl, I feel like it purified my concept of service. What do you think, how does reading this excerpt make you feel?